i just wanted to tell cyberspace how sad i'm feeling right now
but i don't want to talk to anyone about it.
social networking sites won't do because people ask questions
& i have to share my tears, when i just want to wallow alone.
nights like this, i need sex.
i don't want to think no more.
but i'm not ready to sleep yet.
because i want to talk to this fool that i "like".
about the girl he likes.
about how his feelings are hurt.
i don't know how i always end up here.
back to Shomari.
he will always be the root of my problems.
if i can't get over this.
it's been too long.
i'm tired of crying because i'm scarred by how he's treated me.
truthfully, i don't think i've made it to scarred yet.
these are old, fresh wounds.
wounds so old that they should be healed, but tonight i feel like i was just stabbed.
the memories won't go away. the pain won't stop.
& the tears just keep coming.
& i just want this all to stop.

11.O3.12