i'm way past hate and regret; no point in wasting emotion on you.
but i'm not completely okay; i'm still working on my repair.
& maybe you never really heal; so life becomes a healing process after your heart's been broken.
& maybe you never stop letting go; you just become further away from holding on.

"i don't care" replaces most of the "i want you"s
but there's a little part of me that thinks about you; wonders how you're doing
& i'm so close to straight jacketing & padded rooming that girl that used to love him so much
so close to locking her up and throwing away that key
because I'm no fan of you invading my senses
but there may be no need
because you've changed me so drastically and completely
that I refuse to backtrack, to regress into the
miserable, tear-ridden, poor, hurting, little girl lost that you made of me
i am taking back what you don't deserve.
i am taking back me, my happiness, my smile
i am taking back every little thing you stole from me
but i refuse to take back you
because some things I can do without
& your bullshit is most definitely one of them.

bullshit...you fed it to me.
it ran rampant from your lips
and puddled at my feet in immense piles of sewage
i wallowed in it
i searched for truth
that needle in a haystack of lies
and as i hunted, i cried.
but for you, for "us," i cry no longer.
if i cry, it is for me as i heal
this is my healing process, my life...
no one else's
& i'll do what i feel is necessary
i'll do as i please
no more "how did we get here's"
because "we" are there no longer
i am HERE without you
and i'm surviving just fine.