riding towards my past
a time i don't want to forget
but still a time i'm not trying too hard to remember
you've invaded my present with your presence
and the decision of you being allowed into my future
goes around and around in my mind's eye.

i'm riding towards my past
&nd scenario after scenario plays over and over in my head
wondering how we will meet
how will i greet you?
fighting back tears
or with this indifference i've developed towards you
the two parts of me battle in my psyche
the part that loves you but yearns to hate you
the part that just can't bring itself to care.

riding towards my past
i take note of all the changes i've undergone in these past few months
not just mentally but physically as well
i've grown, new weight burdens me
both in both aspects
&nd i question if you've still stayed the same

riding towards my past
you've invaded my present
&nd you're working your way into my future...


"i hate gettin text messages from you
it's like you know the perfect shit to say
fucks with my whole day
thought that all these feelings went away..."

it's not the fact that you know just what to say
(which you don't)
it's just the fact that you're in contact with me at all
the thought of you has begun to turn my stomach
i can't stomach the thought of you
of what we used to be
it doesn't down me
it doesn't depress me
it just upsets me to no end
that i let you walk over me so often
i was like an old dirt road that was traveled with constant frequency
the amount of times you used me.
you broke me too many times for my health
it wasn't good for my psyche
&nd your practiced ignorance
worsened my condition
why stay with someone who pays no attention to blatant statements of unhappiness
i craved you
i craved you
i craved you
&nd you ignored me
i masked my want with a want that i knew would reach you easier
&nd you ignored me
i began to drown in this warped relationships.

you hurt me.
why would i come back?
i've changed.
i won't chase anyone that doesn't want me.
i don't want these emotions.
i can't deal.
you hurt me.
too many times.
why would i come back?
you shot me in the heart
&nd you left me to bleed what i feel for you out on the pavement.
&nd i've bled out all my love for you.
i've let go.
why would i backtrack?


it's been a month since i've been with you
but so much longer it's been that
i've felt close to you
i've been lost in a desert
this love for you so vast
that i couldn't find you
nor could i find myself.
&nd now i'm alone.
far away from the disappointment of our love.
i can't say that i miss it
i can't say that i miss you
repeated hurt breeds hatred
&nd i was growing to hate you
a fire that you continued to fuel
a fire that slowly, slowly burned away my devotion to you
i was a fool for you.
fool i am no longer
i stood by you while you fell in love
while you had your heart broken
i mended it
leaving mines for later
i am not fool enough to allow you to crush me over and over.
i'm letting go.
i'm moving on.