what happens when "i'll never forget"
becomes forgotten
and the calls become less frequent
the "i love yous" almost nonexistent
and when they do come, hold no meaning
what happens when you tire of waiting
for something that you know will never come?

seemingly, so close and yet so far
this distance is unsurpassable
this crevice irreparable
this disease incurable
this can't be fixed
what can hurt more than watching someone you love
yearn
want
love
someone else?

what can hurt more
than watching their agitation when they are rejected
what can hurt more
than knowing you will never cause them that type of pain
that you'll never hurt them like you hurt now.

and even worse...
what can hurt more
than feeling like you mean nothing to them?
what can hurt more
than knowing that they'll never love you like you do them.
it hurts

and i can't tell you what hurts more
because i don't know
i haven't felt worse than this
i don't wanna feel like this
i don't wanna be this attached to him
but i am...

i am...

and it was never really supposed to be this hard
i wish it would have never went this deep
because this is no flesh wound
this is no flesh wound
this
is
no
flesh
wound
i feel as if he has taken a knife
and thrust it into my chest as far as it can go
twisted it
and pushed some more
and then left me on the ground to just bleed out...
and i am bleeding out
my heart bleeds it's tears down my face
painfully.

love ain't supposed to be this way...
it shouldn't hurt this bad
nobody said it'd be easy
but nobody said it'd be this hard
excruciating
debilitating
painful.

it was never supposed to be this hard.

&nd i don't wanna talk about it
i'd much rather just wallow
just let me stay here
and wade around in my stupidity

i don't wanna talk about it
i don't wanna think about it
i don't wanna cry about it
i just wanna sleep
but if i sleep
i know i'll dream about it
i can't get away from it
&nd it's torturous
i've never felt this bad before.

&nd i wish i could blame it on anything else but this.
i hate this.
i hate this.
i hate it.
so bad.
it was never supposed to be this hard.
how do you deal?

i'll be okay in the morning
after a night of mourning...
hopefully.