middle school days
can you remember me?
i was fat girl
chunky, flabby, big, grotesque, abnormal
and on top of that i was "smart"
i wasn't really cool with me
170 - 5'7" - 13 - an oddity

entering high school
i was still that girl
massive, intelligent
head burried in a book
but i was accepting me
still not too cool with this body i inhabited
i didn't sugarcoat or try to cover me
i was my own person
getting used to me
160 - 5'8" - 16 - aiming for normality

18 - 5'9" - 140 - contentment
but not quite completely
now i can look in the mirror
for a few seconds
and say "damn, girl, you fine"
i love me, normally,
but don't place me in front of that reflective surface for too long

an abundance of stretch marks run across my stomach
invade my soft, fleshy, flabby thighs
reach up my back.
and there's that roll of flesh around my midsection
that won't really go anywhere...but not like i've actually tried
skin that everyone says is so clear, but i fail to see the clarity
gangly, long legged creature
so ill proportioned
and even though he always tells me that he loves me
the way i are
i'm scared that if he really sees me in the light
he won't love me no more

insecurities arise
i don't look like them,
never will
society's idea of an ideal woman
i am so far removed from that
i am NOT a stick figure, not what i've ever strived to be
nor do i have the fat ass and flat stomach
with straight or wavy hair running down my back
i am not a model nor am i a video vixen

even though i may be a tad bit insecure
don't get me wrong
i love me
these curves
and the way my stretch marks change the texture of my flesh
these long legs
and the fat that he loves so much

it has been a journey
and it'll continue to be
on this path of
learning to love me.