I just keep getting hit from all sides
Kiandra, let go.
Knowingly and unknowingly.
But something, everything inside of me is telling me
Kiandra, hold on.
Love.
And not just that.
The fact that he has no one else
Mistakes he’s made have led him to this
And no one chooses to forgive him
But I have
And I am.

I will continue to
Hold him up
Be his crutch.
Yes, I’m young,
But, don’t forget, I’m in love.
Crazy you may call me.
Stupid even.
But that won’t change or deter
These feelings.

Not even in these times of war
Can I be held back
I’ve got a driving force inside me
Love is its source
And you fail to acknowledge this
And you persist
With the subtle but not really
Comments
And taunts of disbelief.
But I believe
And I’ll continue to
Because I’ve fallen for him
Not you.

I’ve fallen for him not physically
Not mentally
But somewhere from deeper inside of me
It’s the call projected from beyond the psyche
And it pulls me to him
Him to me
And we won’t let go
We won’t
No matter how hard it gets
We’ve planned for years to come...
Years to come.

You see.
I’ve cried myself to sleep.
First time for everything.
And it wasn’t from the pain that he caused
It was from the hurt you’ve constantly inflicted upon me
Because, truthfully, I’m at your mercy.
The mercy you hold for him
And since it’s none
You hold nothing akin to compassion for me
Because my heart is in his hands
And as you verbally, wholeheartedly stomp on him
You stomp me into little pieces.
Tiny pieces that I’m having hell trying to pick up
And I cry.
I cry.
Day in.
Day out.
Random moments in my days are ruined
By your constant attack on us.

You refuse to look beyond the negative
And see what we COULD be.
Give us a chance
We can’t prove you wrong otherwise.
He told me
“Don’t worry, everything will be love,”
And I would delight in my ability to submit to the belief of this statement
But with your efforts I cannot
Because it seems as if I love him, you can’t, don’t, won’t love me
You don’t know what I’ve fallen for
That which you can’t, don’t, won’t see
And all that you can say is he’s not for me.

But who are you to decide
To judge
Which one is the one?
The one that can make me smile
When I don’t want to
The one that occupies my mind’s eye 24/7
And yes, I’ve fallen hard.
This I’ve acknowledged a long time ago
That which you refuse to understand
Comprehend
You cannot pull my heart away from his hand
Because he has it
And he will hold on tight
Because he can’t take another broken heart
And nor can I
Would you prefer to take the light from my eyes?
Can I take this risk?
Can you, please, let me live
The life bestowed upon me?
That, yes, you did give
This I understand
And I know, I comprehend
That you only want the best for me
And I will continue to succeed
Acknowledge that he, also, wants the best for me.
But you can’t see.

You say I’m blinded by love
But you are, also,
You’re blinded by love for your seed
And you smother me
To the point where I can’t breathe
And I fight to take a deep breath of fresh air
That your negativity hasn’t tainted
And I flee...

I flee to his arms.
To him.
I’m in love.
In love with him.
And you ask me over and over again
What do you see in him?
How did a smart, intelligent, bright girl like you fall for him?
A hoodlum
A gangster
An undesirable
A monster.
Please understand that you can’t, don’t, won’t understand.
Please know that it’s all the things that you can’t, don’t, won’t see.
But, me?
I see them perfectly.