i cried today...

but that ain't nothing new
i've cried for a week straight
this is just another day
i have evidence
notebook paper with tearstreaked ink
and all these tears do absolutely nothing for me
except for absolutely drain me
completely
but only physically
these tears are not enough to drag me out of the
abyss that my mind has entered
surrounded by sad and upset
only hindered and halted whilst in the presence of him
with him comfort
ensues to no end
he is my peace of mind
until i have to leave again
face the real world
which doubts my intelligence
and attacks me consistently.

it leaves me with
nails bitten
eyes redrimmed
crying relentlessly
but they can't
they refuse to hear me
above the din
of their voices
over their stifling possession of me
and while i cry
inwardly
they proceed as normal
as if nothing has happened
when obviously i'm not okay
and this you seem to notice
thinking that a simple "i love you"
will suffice
make it all go away
wake you up from a bad dream
and i'm back to being the
same old, predictable Kiandra again
but predictability has been eliminated
and that simple "i love you"
in all reality
makes it all worse...

and the saga continues
with the "bad" boy
and the "good" girl
they refuse to let go...