why are my black men
in these prisons
locked in
chained down
unable to reach their full potential
or so they are led to believe
but anything is possible
once one is freed
from the imprisonment of the four walls of his mind
which places restrictions on his ability
to exist peacefully
painlessly
while doing what he needs to do.
but until their emancipation day
they'll be incarcerated over and over again
slaves to their mindset
unable to break the chains
rooting them to negativity.

i hurt for them
for the mothers, fathers
brothers, sisters
girlfriends, wives
children they've left behind
while inside this jail of the mind
manifested as cells and steel bars
jumpsuits and prison yards
restricted fresh air and prison guards.
they exist in this new world slavery
predominant inhabitants in possession of the brown skin
which the world brands as a curse.

jail loves a black man.
i'm sure that this feeling isn't mutual
but statistics fail to show this
as many become a negative statistic
failing to leave their imprisonment with no plans of looking back
and pretty soon they're back
looking back
at us from behind bars.

i hurt for them
but i cry for me
because where am i to find
a black male to father my child
if they're all locked down
chained to that 'gangster' mentality
surrounded by that 'i gets money' outlook
living for today, not the future.
uncalculated risks that each one of you continuously take
and fall into their trap
and into the back of a police car you go.
another slave to this system.


why can't you see me?
i surround you on
all sides with
unconditional love
but you look
around me
past me
through me
and you see her.
i am a mirror reflecting her face
in some crazy way
why can't you see me?
you see her
and i pay for her mistakes
i deal with the depth
of the pain
with the accusations
distrust
and how women are all the same.

why can't you see me?
why can't you accept my love?
why must i share your mind with her and the rest
whilst you're the sole occupant of mine?
the countless stories of her
and the ones before
stories i wished you'd tell no more
because it hurts to see
your love for her still
as i sit in front of you
with empty arms
filled
but still empty by you
because you're not there
and i am not here
because it's not my face you see
but hers
and i hurt
and i ask myself
why can't he see me?
am i not enough to dull the pain of a former love that left
without good reason?
how do i do it?
how long must i cope with him loving someone else
seemingly more than me?
putting on the line so much to be with him
threatening my life
why can't he jeopardize her memory?
why can't he let it go,
let her be?


love ain't supposed to make you crazy
but what is this madness i feel
taking over my senses
as i see red
succumbing to the pain
the hurt
he continuously inflicts upon me
speeding
frantic calls
dry sobs
where are you?
i wanna see the deceit in your eyes
as you lie
i wanna see your ability to torment me
while in the same breath
tell me you love me.
why do you do this to me
when i treat you no other way but GOOD?!
why are you so content to obliterate me
when there's 8 billion other people in the world
but yet i only want you?

why do you do this to me?
why do i let you do this to me?
you want a river?
well, babe, i've cried it.
but where were you to catch all of the tears that fell from my eyes?
i've surpassed that river
i've wept an ocean,
and despite all i've sobbed
it does nothing to deplete my love
for you...

sadly, i keep on loving you
they tell me i'm smart
yet you make me so dumb
my family don't like you
but their contempt does nothing to hinder this ardor
nor does it deter me from you.
nothing can, so it seems,
as i see your eyes looking into mine
your face
your sincerity
the agony etched into your features
as you describe the agony, the heartache, the numerous pains she has put you through.
as you tell me that if i leave you'll love nothing anymore
that you'll have nothing to live for anymore
so close to that edge you've been pushed
toes lipping the brink
and i've been placed here to pull you back
to do the impossible
to repair something,
someone rendered irreparably damaged
i've been appointed a task
that seems to be impossible
and nothing can make me let go.

love ain't supposed to make me crazy,
so what is it doing to me?

28.11.09


I am the "other" woman
While he's there,
Steady whispering in your ear
Steady telling you what you wish to hear
I know that what he tells you are lies
And in between my legs he will lie
Soon as you sleep I will see his smile.

I am the "other" woman
That he tells you doesn't exist
I'm real
Tangible
He revels in my touch
I don't exist?
He won't exist,
Can't exist without me.

I am the "other" woman
Of this I am not proud
But as much as he
Cannot exist without me
I am nothing without him
Because this warped, twisted love I've fallen into
Keeps me trapped as this "Other" woman.

I am the "other" woman
The one that knows about
The one that he's in love with
The one that loves him despite the fact that
He loves
Someone else: You.
His life.
Even though his life
He continues to jeopardise
By
Sneaking around
And lying with me
Nights while you sleep.

I am the "other" woman
I acknowledge thisAnd weep
Because I know I'll never have him
In his entirety
Because in all reality
When he comes to me
His heart you keep
And as for me?
I've been resigned to be
His "other" woman...

I'm guessing it might be
For an eternity.

1.11.09


a storm crosses his eyes
as rain falls from mine
i cry the tears
he refuses to cry
i understand
i sigh
he's a warrior
and warriors don't cry
so i weep for him
for warrior, i am not
he's my warrior
even though it seems
as if i'm his slut
free crotch
easy enough
to slide up in
break
and run.
but i love him
so i let him
and weep for both of us
cause he doesn't cry
warriors don't
and i am not.
i'm cowardly
let him speak to me
degrade me
hurt me nonstop
but i love him
so i let him
and i weep for both of us.

i embody this hurt
take it
deal with it
because i can't breathe
without him
because i love him
i let him hurt me
and i weep for both of us.

she demolished him
so he hurts me
trust?
he has none,
and he doubts me.
says he loves me,
fails to show me.
but i love him.
he has me and i let him.
so i weep for both of us.


She is nonchalance
She embraces it
Embodies it
Lives it
Because if she doesn't
She becomes stress
Craze
Fear
And worthlessness
Wrapped and sealed into
One person
Who cannot figure herself out
For she is blinded by love
Her heart in the hands of one
Oh so likely to break it
Break her
Demolish
Destroy
Obliterate her
He can do this
But it will only affect her
If she allows it to
He cannot if she takes away his power
Overcomes his kryptonite-like
Hold on her
She can save herself...

But does she want to?
So content under his spell
She is Happiness
She is Joy
She lives for love
His love
His touch
His kiss
His hugs
It engulfs her completely
That on her mind
All of the time
So glad that he's mine
Put her life on the line
Type of love...
If he was a sea
She'd gladly drown in him
Type of love...
Names written in hearts
Followed by forever
Type of love...
But there are the times
Where he is fire and brimstone
And she becomes nonchalance
Ignoring the hurt
The burn she feels in her chest
Ignoring the prick of tears unshed in her eyes
Avoiding mirrors
For fear of seeing a reflection
Of pain on her face
Surrounding herself with things that distract her completely...

I am she
Tonight I am
Nonchalance