and my insecurities bind me
in a way that they have never before
i can't deal
as i mend my heart
then leave it for him to break again.

i refuse to show weakness
and my fear of rejection shows me no mercy
keeping me immured in its relentless prison
refusing to make me free
to express my feelings of hurt
and the fact that i've been living in a pitiless turmoil
that i've been left to deal with alone
because this has been going on far too long
but still, my heart cries for me to hold on.
can he hear it?
i doubt it
and this can't be any good for me
i know that it's completely unhealthy
and it seems as if my pain has removed my need to eat
because it feeds on the empty hopes that fill me
and satisfy me
but leave me gasping for more
why have i allowed him to have this control over me?
how do i get it back?

i'm tired.
so tired of it all
and i wish i never knew how to fall
wish that my heart never thawed
and never allowed him to weaken my walls
my tears are constantly being wasted on him
and even though i know that he'll do me no good
i can't quite seem to let go...