and my insecurities bind me
in a way that they have never before
i can't deal
as i mend my heart
then leave it for him to break again.

i refuse to show weakness
and my fear of rejection shows me no mercy
keeping me immured in its relentless prison
refusing to make me free
to express my feelings of hurt
and the fact that i've been living in a pitiless turmoil
that i've been left to deal with alone
because this has been going on far too long
but still, my heart cries for me to hold on.
can he hear it?
i doubt it
and this can't be any good for me
i know that it's completely unhealthy
and it seems as if my pain has removed my need to eat
because it feeds on the empty hopes that fill me
and satisfy me
but leave me gasping for more
why have i allowed him to have this control over me?
how do i get it back?

i'm tired.
so tired of it all
and i wish i never knew how to fall
wish that my heart never thawed
and never allowed him to weaken my walls
my tears are constantly being wasted on him
and even though i know that he'll do me no good
i can't quite seem to let go...


when will i be able to let go of this?
it's like even when a new one comes along
i can't help but reminisce
on the good
forget the bad
i could care less about the horrible experiences we've had
because i want this more than i've ever wanted anything before
and he made it even harder to elt go when he promised me more
hurt my heart? yes he did
but he knows that i'm more than willing to forgive
it seems as if he has found a way
to use this against me
and this whole thing has been so lengthy
making it harder for me to move on
and i don't know about him
but these feelings i have will never be gone...


time brings realization
facts are brought to the fore
even if you choose to ignore it
but along with bliss, ignorance bears consequences
and once you've been let down
hope bears emptiness...

choose what you want to believe
but choose wisely
keep your expectations high
but expect nothing from no one
for expections bear heartbreak...