looking back...i found this:

cease these thoughts
make me dense
make me dumb
or unfeeling
so i don't have to feel this anymore.

chase the thoughts of good from my mind
and make me realize
that the bad overrules
anything else he projects.

take this pencil
that allows me to record
my insanity
which keeps me thinking of him
keeps me wanting him.

expel these dreams
that make me acknowledge
the fact that he does
indeed live om my mind
even unconciously.

make him disappear
so i won't have to feel like this
anymore
lost in my dreams
of what i wish he would be...