looking back...i found this:

cease these thoughts
make me dense
make me dumb
or unfeeling
so i don't have to feel this anymore.

chase the thoughts of good from my mind
and make me realize
that the bad overrules
anything else he projects.

take this pencil
that allows me to record
my insanity
which keeps me thinking of him
keeps me wanting him.

expel these dreams
that make me acknowledge
the fact that he does
indeed live om my mind
even unconciously.

make him disappear
so i won't have to feel like this
anymore
lost in my dreams
of what i wish he would be...


and the saga continues...

Because he's on my mind
Most of the time
But our differences arise
Constantly, in my mind's eye

But I really don't think
I mind;
I'm content to lie
In his arms until
Sunrise...

And I try to get by
But this obsession
With his hands on my thighs
Disallows me to smile without thinking about
His lips on mine...

But this distance, which I despise,
Leaves me with tears undried
As my world is turned upside down
And I fear that I may drown
In a love that I refuse to accept as my own...